Week 4 Preview – The Desert Reckoning in Vegas
Brothers, sisters, and sunburnt superfans of the Bear Down Society… last week we tapped into our controlled rage, unleashed the claws, and smacked the Cowboys back to Jerry Jones’ irrelevant oil fields. Caleb Williams threw four touchdowns, the season was saved, and Chicago once again walks with swagger.
Now comes Week 4: the Las Vegas Raiders. Another must-win for our playoff hopes. Another team that must be punished.
The Transgressions of the Raiders
Jeanty Stolen in the Draft: The Raiders had the gall - the gall! - to snatch Jeanty in the draft before the Bears could. And for what? Their offensive and defensive lines look like a pile of wet tissue paper. They didn’t need Jeanty. They needed the build the trenches. But they drafted him anyway. He should be wearing navy and orange right now. Time to make them pay.
Pete Carroll the Pretender: Remember this: Pete Carroll openly campaigned for the Bears’ head coaching job. He wanted it. He wanted us. He didn’t get us. Now he’s in Vegas, sipping smoothies, trying to look cool in Air Monarchs. Sorry, Pete. Chicago doesn’t forget. It’s time to make him pay too.
Culture Wars: Chicago vs. Las Vegas
The Hot Dog Divide: The Weiner Circle tried to ride the Caleb Williams wave last Tuesday, handing out free hot dogs after his four-touchdown masterpiece. Cute. But real Bears fans know Gene & Jude’s would never sell out like that. Gene & Jude’s is grit, grease, and mustard-only tradition. Weiner Circle is marketing stunts. The Bears are Gene & Jude’s. The Raiders are ketchup. Enough said.
The Desert Invasion: Vegas has been overrun. Thousands of pasty, shirtless Bears fans have descended upon hotel pools and the Strip, turning every swim up bar into a Southport dive. Pro tips for my fellow warriors:
Apply SPF 200 at least every 15 minutes.
Pace your beer consumption. The desert sun turns two beers into eight. Sadly these establishments don’t have Old Style on tab.
Remember, chanting “BEAR DOWN” at blackjack tables is both a right and a responsibility.
If you pass out by the Mandalay Bay pool, paint a C on your chest first.
The Prophecy
Caleb Williams stays hot. Luther Burden torches the secondary. Cole Kmet pulls down a highlight catch in triple coverage. Rome Odunze teaches Raiders DBs what real route running looks like. And on defense, somebody (please anybody!) makes Pete Carroll regret every time he chewed gum thinking he could lead this franchise.
Final Score Prophecy: Bears 42, Raiders 10. Jeanty watches from the wrong sideline, wondering why fate betrayed him, pens open letter apology to Bears fans.
Meditation is optional this week. Rage is mandatory. Sunblock is critical. Bear Down in Vegas.
