Week 12 Preview - Vanquish Rodgers. Keep the North. Score Every Time.
The Ghost of Rodgers Past (And Present… Unfortunately)
Aaron Rodgers, the NFC North’s poltergeist, is expected to play despite his hand injury. Good. The Bears should WANT him on the field. Yes, he spent a decade and a half haunting our dreams in that cursed shade of Packer green, claiming to “own” the Bears like some sort of Southside landlord, and justified it with a 25-5 record against us. But this is a different year in Chicago. Ben Johnson is evicting the ghosts of past lost seasons and coaching regimes.
We ended Brett Favre’s career as a Viking. It’s time to complete the cycle. It’s time to close the book on Rodgers. It’s time for cosmic poetry.
If the football gods are listening, and they always listen to Cicero, let this be the day Rodgers realizes he no longer owns anything in Chicago except a deep spiritual debt and whatever strain of ayahuasca he scored in Wicker Park.
BREAKING NEWS UPDATE: Aaron Rodgers is not starting against the Bears today. The Bears must plow through Mason Rudolph in order to get to him
“Take the North and Never Give It Back”
Remember when the Bears were not only not taking the North but were voluntarily donating it to Green Bay every autumn like it was some sort of charitable write-off? Well. Not anymore.
The Bears sit atop the NFC North. They have taken the throne. They have claimed the crown with a 1/2 game lead.
They have risen like a deep-dish phoenix with extra cheese and righteous fury hoisted from a pizza slice spatula.
The mantra this week: Never. Give. It. Back.
Center yourself, breathe in the sweet scent of leadership and 4th quarter miracles, and allow the positive vibes to flow through your claws.
SIX Defensive Starters Out
Yes. Six. Because the universe loves drama. All three starting linebackers? Poof. Two defensive backs? Gone. Latest starting left tackle? Evaporated. Your sanity? Hanging on by an Old Style-soaked thread.
With six starters missing, this defense resembles a yoga class of backups desperately stretching to fill the gaps. Dennis Allen will need incense, chants, and probably a few emergency sage smudges.
Realistically? The offense must score on every possession. Field goals are fine, touchdowns are divine, and punts are forbidden. The Bears need to win an offensive shootout. Rebuilding the defense will have to wait until the offseason.
Ben Johnson must cook. Caleb Williams must levitate. The O-line must create run lanes you could drive the IKEA truck through.
Steelers Reality Check
The Steelers defense will do what the Steelers defense always does: blitz, scowl, and act like every down is a federal investigation.
But this Bears team? Watchable. Aggressive. Capable of joy.
We’ve survived too many dark seasons to tremble now. Find your inner Cicero. Find your inner Bear. Visualize Rodgers spiraling a pick so beautiful Michelangelo would weep.
Zen Reflection for the Week
As the injuries mound and Rodgers looms, remember:
Your breath is your anchor.
Your Old Style is your clarity.
Your gratitude is your weapon.
Your hatred of the former Packers on other teams is eternal and cleansing.
No matter the outcome, the season is alive. The North is ours. And the universe owes us one Rodgers exorcism.
Final Zen Manifestation
Bears 34. Steelers 31
Rodgers goes down. Pittsburgh goes home. Chicago keeps the North for another week. Namaste.
