Week 9 Preview - Wake from the Raven Dream
Last week was not real. I refuse to accept that the Chicago Bears lost to the Baltimore Ravens and a quarterback pulled straight from a Costco sample table. I choose to believe the entire experience was a fever dream brought on by expired Skyline Chili and bad refereeing. So, we wake up. We hydrate. We look around and say, “Wait. It is Week 9 already?”
Yes, beloved Bears fans. Time flies when your football team constantly tempts you with hope, chaos, and spiritual emotional growth. Now we travel to Cincinnati, a place known mostly for a river, a bridge, and an abomination posing as cuisine: Skyline Chili.
Let us proceed.
🌭 THE CHILI QUESTION
Skyline Chili. A mountain of shredded cheese sitting on top of spaghetti that has been sprinkled with regret and salted with questionable life choices. Does anyone actually enjoy this, or is it a regional dare that got out of control? It feels like someone described real chili to an alien and the alien said, “I got this,” and absolutely did not got this. If this is their high cuisine, no wonder the river keeps trying to leave the city
Chicago has deep dish. Cincinnati has cardiologist bait on a plate. Advantage: Bears.
🏀 CHICAGO NEVER STOPS BEING A BEARS TOWN
The Chicago Bulls are undefeated. This is delightful. We support our fellow franchise. But do not get confused. Chicago is and will always be a Bears town.
Even in the 1990s, when Michael Jordan owned the basketball universe, the soul of the city was still bundled up at Soldier Field. I know. I was there.
Once upon a crisp Chicago night, I found myself out far too late with Benny the Bull. We had just watched MJ drop 55 and Benny was vibrating with energy. He insisted we continue the celebration. Soon we were pounding Old Styles behind the United Center in a parking lot lit only by the moon and a wildly flickering neon Vienna Beef sign. Then Benny disappeared. Full vanish.
Moments later a city bus screeched to a halt. Benny was behind the wheel. No passengers. Just him. He honked twice, yelled “LET US LIVE,” and drove us downtown. The man was rampaging with joy. He parked the bus directly on the roof of the old Marshall Field building. How? No one knows.
We climbed to the top of the bus and stared out over Chicago. Benny unrolled a scroll. He claimed it came from a secret sect of Bulls monks in Schaumburg. On that scroll was just one sentence:
“Never let another city define your joy.”
Benny rolled up the scroll and leapt off the building. Seconds later he was back beside me with Italian beef sandwiches. He never explained. He never needed to. That is the energy the Bears need now. Madness. Commitment. Pure Chicago heart.
🐯 NOW THE BENGALS
Joe Flacco (probably), ancient spirit of “good-enough” quarterbacking, and friends await. They are fighting for survival and their city’s dignity. The Bears are fighting to remember who they are. This game is about Chicago recentering itself.
Ben Johnson must realign the offense. Caleb Williams must find his calm breath. The secondary must remember how to cover someone without grabbing them like it is a slow dance at a suburban wedding. We must look past last week’s illusions and locate our truth.
⚡ THE QB CONVERSATION
Caleb Williams is progressing just fine. Ignore the peanut gallery comparing him to Drake Maye and Jayden Daniels like they are reviewing mid-priced sedans. Quarterback development is not linear. It is a spiritual journey. Some paths wind through flowered meadows. Some paths wind through the Des Plaines River mud, past a half-buried shopping cart and a lost Packer fan.
Caleb has shown growth. Pocket presence. Playmaking. Leadership. He is not perfect, and that is fine. The dude was nearly murdered in sacks last year with offensive coordinators that added zero developmental instruction.
The future is bright. Keep the faith.
🧘 CUTTING PENALTIES THROUGH MINDFULNESS
This team keeps getting penalized like they are collecting yellow flags for a craft project. Enough. This week, we introduce The Lake Shore Drive Protocol. It goes like this:
Breathe in through the nose.
Exhale slowly while visualizing not false-starting.
Whisper: “I am one with cadence.”
Offer your holding penalties to the river.
Enjoy a Gene & Jude’s hot dog as reward.
Flags fall away when the mind is clear.
🔮 FINAL CALL
The Bears wake up from the Raven nightmare. Caleb reminds Chicago who he is. The defense bends but does not break against the Cinci WRs. Skyline Chili is defeated, spiritually and physically.
These Bears need another win streak. The vibes must be reset. Chicago deserves stability. Chicago deserves joy. Chicago deserves to feel warm inside without needing Malört to get there.
Bears 31. Bengals 23.
